Two-way street

What is it about giving someone information that makes them want to share their life story? Are they trying to achieve some kind of balance, give and take? They have received something from you, and they want to give something in return, make it an exchange, instead of one-way gain?

I was teaching an intro to computers course, the kind where you show people how to hold the mouse, how to move it around. The kind where you tell them it’s ok not to understand HOW the computer works, just to learn how to run it – sort of like your car. They are all older than I am, some of them trying to overcome bifocals and arthritic hands and new vocabulary. (“What’s a link? Do I have to push search? Does it say that anywhere in the instructions, in case I forget?”)

One woman was doing pretty well. She knew how to type, which is a definite bonus, and had used a mouse before. She zoomed through the exercises until she got to cut and paste. That slowed her down a little. She had a few questions during class, but wasn’t really very talkative. When class formally ended, though, she was vocal with her thanks.

People were wrapping up the exercises, talking and leaving when she called me over. “I’m going to go upstairs now and practice,” she said. “Where do I find an emancipation form?”

I told her to go to Reference and showed her the forms we print off the net, mostly connected to reducing or terminating child support. “Oh, that’s not going to work,” she said. “This child ran away from home with her boyfriend and now wants to return. Her parents won’t take her until she breaks up with him.”

Her eyes got big and she lowered her voice. “But now she’s pregnant. Her parents won’t pay her expenses until the boyfriend is gone. He’s 7 years older than her, has no job and lives with his mother. So she’s staying with me, her granny, but I can’t afford a baby on retirement income.” She looked sad.

I was stunned. What makes people tell me these things?

“Wow,” I said. “Our forms aren’t going to help you at all.” I thought for a minute. “You probably need a lawyer, but that’s hard on retirement income, too.” She nodded her head.

“Go on up to Reference,” I told her. “They can look for books about emancipating a minor up there.”

We were quiet for a minute. “Bless you for helping her,” I said. “I’ll pray for you all.” She squeezed my hand and smiled. “Thank you,” she said. “You do that.”

Off she went to her pregnant granddaughter, off I went to my quiet little office cube.

Is it vulnerability? I had taught her a little computer stuff where she was feeling shaky and I was kind and patient about it, so she felt safe? Did she just need to share the burden she felt by sharing her story? Does it help her to know that I am somewhere in the world, listening and praying?

Information is a gateway. It’s also a two-way street.

Comments

[LadyBug]

I think it was definitely because you are so kind and sweet. Not to mention your wonderful way with people. :)

[feelgoodlibrarian]

You are very kind.

FGL

[Beth]

This is the first time I have viewed your blog though I have heard of it before. Thanks for the wonderful stories that remind me of why I got the degree and why I chose this field.

[Tina]

I was just going down a list of library blogs and sampling one after the other. Some had great tech tips, some had irreverent but funny stories, some linked to library news. I visited maybe 20 before looking at Feel-good Librarian.

And here I stayed. You've got another loyal reader. I'm going to do my best to coax my colleagues to read something here daily -- for the good of my library!

[Dani]

I'm going to guess it was your kindness that freed this woman to share her burden with you. Sometimes, all it takes is the slightest encouragement to spark trust, especially when we are carrying such a difficult load.

BTW, Im not a librarian, or in the field at all. One of my closest friends is though, and it was her prodding that sent me here. But it's your writing, your views, you insights, your presentation that keep me coming back... thank you.

[Jesse]

My fiancee is a librarian and I've found your blog, and I really enjoy it! I have many fond memories of spending hours each day happily ensconced among the shelves of my local library as a youth. It's great to read about what goes on in the life of the type of librarian who helped me develop my love of reading.

[sarah louise]

You rock!! Keep up the good work.